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The days I could rap Em verses without the song playing…

Another song I listened to a lot as a teen when I was a degenerate. I remember lying on the beach skipping class getting high and rapping songs like this. I knew Em’s verse by heart.

Yo yo yo yo
Schizophrenia, how many of ya got it?
How many motherfuckers can say they psychotic?
How many motherfuckers can say they brain dry-rotted from pot?
You got it like I got it or not?
If you did, you would know just what I’m talkin bout
When your tongue’s rottin out from cotton-mouth
When you end up becomin so dependent on weed
That you end up spendin a G in the vendin machine
You got the munchies, look at you, junk food junkie
Potato chips and lunch meat, up in the front seat
Sometimes you can get so paranoid from ganja
That’s it gotcha thinkin the whole world is watchin ya
Or maybe you don’t smoke, maybe you just roll
But whatever your drug’s yo, go for the gusto
Just don’t, come fuck with me when I’m doin my drugs
You see me in the club don’t come fuckin my high up

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Somebody had to say it…God Damn…

Surrounding the controversy with BLM and just everything else these past couple months or so…I was going to post myself if I heard ‘white priviledge’ one more fucking time. Every time I hear it I want to throw up in my mouth. No one is born into privilege simply because the color of their skin. You are either born into money (so family ties) or you work your ass off against all odds, no excuses and become successful. I have known the poorest people that come from all races, including whites. The other argument is that whites don’t receive as much brutality from the police. That is also a lie. Cops have killed white people, people have all races have killed cops and so on. In these BLM protests or any other protest for equality or freedom etc…I have seen police pepper spray, beat up and abuse their priviledges against all races including whites. You want to know why? The easy answer? It is citizens vs those in power. It is not race vs race, or left vs right. They want us divided guys. STOP FALLING FOR IT CAUSE IN THE END WE ARE FAILING OURSELVES AND OUR NATIONS.

The media is using you for their own game. They want us divided. BLM’s does not want equality, their movement is as racist against whites as they claim whites are against them. I support equal rights, but I do not support organizations that is trying to fight equality with the same racist bigotry bull shit. I supported BLM when this whole George Floyd thing happened, until I researched it heavily. It’s poison. So is the media. Is there still inequality both for races and genders? Yes, it is not as bad as it use to be, but their is clear evidence it still exists. I am all for fighting for equality, just not this way.

This man took the words out of my mouth and just maybe coming from a minority, he won’t be called a racist and a bigot for defending his opinion.

Posted in music, Uncategorized

What/Who Matters Most To You?

Hello all my lovely bloggers and readers!!!

It’s question time guys!

I am hoping to start a conversation or discussion with this post as blogging is not always just about writing, but also being apart of and active in a community. You don’t have to take part obviously, but if you want to join in the fun you can do so by answering in the comment section, writing your own blog post and ping back to this post if you wish or use your imagination in how you want to participate.

What/who matters most to you?

My husband and family mean everything to me and if anything were to happen to any of them, my world would come crashing down. However, I feel this is something that is very obvious and goes without saying so…that is not my answer or what this post is about. 🙂

For me it is, music. In one form or another music has always meant a fucking lot to me and is a huge part of my everyday life. It is not always listening or writing music, but at some point of everyday will revolve around music. I can sit down or lye on my bed and listen to music for hours on end. Listening to music is not only one of my favorite past times, but it is something I will do when I am feeling really over whelmed or going through a really difficult time. I often listen to music in the background rather I am cleaning my room, doing chores, writing or playing a game. It can be background music, but it seems no matter what I am doing it becomes the main focus a lot of the time. It motivates me to be more active and also work faster. It helps keep my focus. A lot of the time I will hum a tune in my head and come up with my own lyrics. Sometimes I will write it down, especially if I like it or feel like I can make something out of it and sometimes I won’t. When I get songs stuck in my head as most of us do, I will sing it on repeat all day. I love to dance, even though I am a horrible dancer. I will spend hours dancing around my room or around the house and have since a child. Even though I am an extremely shy person I will dance in public when I am out with my husband, friends and/or family. I have thousands of songs by different artists and bands on my computer(somewhere around 6000 to be exact), ipod (yes I still use old school shit….almost 5000 on my ipod and that is without adding music to it in years) and I have huge collection of CD’s(I believe I have at least a 50 cd booklet filled to capacity including some slots have double cds as I ran out of room) from my child and teen hood. Unfortunately when I moved to the USA I had to get rid of the cd cases as I didn’t have the room to take them with me. I plan to rebuy all of them on cd or vinyl just so I can have cases for significant purposes. I have playlists on youtube or spotify for every single mood or activity etc. As cheesy or shallow as it may be, when my husband played the guitar and sang for me for the first time it actually helped me fall head over heels for him. It is like my weakness besides sense of humor. I listen and am more evolved with music than most people I know and it is difficult to describe just how much it means to me.

Music has been something that has always been there for me when no one else was. It has been every bit part of my journeys and growing up. It has saved my life multiple times, but it feels like it is more than that. It is my drug, religion and my life. I truly believe I would not be here today if it was not for music and that my life could not exist without it.

So my fellow bloggers and friends…what matters most to you?

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‘Our RV smells like smoke’

Hello all my lovely followers and readers!

It is 3:30 am and it is update time again! I maybe had four hours of sleep and no food yet, but I have had two cups of coffee so I am hoping this post goes somewhat smoothly. I must warn you though the editing and grammar may be poor. Haha.

BTW guys, please read these few posts if you haven’t yet, if you want to stay up to date with this current post or have some idea of wtf I am talking about.




I have both good and bad news, but I think it would make the most sense to get the bad news out of the way first…

I called my oma(grandma in Austrian/German etc) the same day we were packing up the car to go camping. She is getting a lot worse and I think the cancer is really starting to over take her body. Her digestive system is not working at all anymore, she is having a really hard time focusing, is in a lot of pain and though she can still go to the bathroom and do other things by herself, she says it is barely. She is becoming really weak and will need to be checked into the hospital very soon to receive the 24/7 hour care she needs. My oma already was having a hard time coming to terms with the cancer, she is having a very difficult time with the thought of giving up her independence and having to leave her home. My oma was always so strong willed and almost fearless, it is hard to see this cancer defeat her never mind what the horrible disease does to the body and mind. It was the first time I heard my oma cry over the phone since this whole odeal began. I also shared tears with her, but really broke down again after I hung up the phone with her.

I was a complete disaster trying to help my husband with last minute chores we had to do and packing up the car to go camping. I took time to sulk in the bathroom and then listened to a few songs on my phone, sucked it up and unloaded the dishwasher. I surprisingly did a pretty good job getting it all organized, packed and so on, BUT I did put my phone that had my email for our site reservation in my suitcase that was on the bottom of stuffs in the back seat. My husband probably was not very impressed we had to dig everything out again to get it only to find out we didn’t even need it. LOL My husband did a good job of not showing annoyance though and I think was understanding considering the state I was in. I feel kinda bad, cause I really had to rely on him for all this last minute stuffs that had to be done, even though it wasn’t my fault. Oh well, we did it and minus my little oopsie we didn’t forget anything!

When we checked in and got to our campsite, we set up our brand new tent, well right after we put ice in the beer and food cooler of course! It took us about a half hour to set up what was suppose to be a 8 minute fast pitch tent, but it was our first time and the rain tarp was a pain in the ass. It will be much quicker in the future now we know what the eff we are doing.

Our brand new 6 person fast pitch dome tent.

Picture of our site set up.


Note: The bigger cooler was for the beer and drinks. The smaller cooler that is not in this picture I believe was for food. LOL Believe it or not however, we didn’t eat all of our food. We need to eventually buy another cooler similar to the size of the bigger one in the picture.

As I mentioned, the rain tarp took a really long time to untie everything as it was the first time and took awhile to set up, we were really glad we did as it thunder stormed and rained the first night. We went to lye down for a nap at like 6 pm ish as we were still really tired from the last night of the work week, packing etc and we woke up to rain and then torrential down poor, thunder and lightning. LOL. As much as it sucked and everything was soaked, it was a really good test for our new tent and there was no leaks. It survived a pretty decent thunderstorm.

We woke up at 3 am, shivering and soaked. Started a bon fire and started drinking beer. I wonder what our neighbors thought. Haha. Nah, the hubby and I are on the opposite schedule as most people anyways as we work the night shift, and it is camping so like wtf is a schedule? We then made coffee and breakfast at like 7 am ish.

Here are some bon fire pictures from the first very early morning/night.

A random very dark picture of the hubby and I by the camp fire.


The weather was gorgeous and it was my husband’s birthday so we did a quick errand back into town (our first camping trip in years with all new equipment we did not camp in the middle of nowhere as this was like a test trip) and then got our day packs ready for a 1.8 mile hike and adventure to the beach. My husband didn’t want cake, dinner or a present, no he wanted to go on this crazy ass hike on a very hilly and sketchy trail. 😛 We were both super sun burned, sore and he got a lot of bug bites (I dosed down in bug spray so I got no bites) but we made it out alive and I was really proud of myself for doing it. It took us about an hour in and an hour back. I took more breaks on the way back as I was way too damn sore, so it was hard to average the time it took us to do the hike. Plus we spent some time on the beach and park benches in the shade. Ate some food, hydrated, reapplied sunscreen and tried to regain energy for the long hike back.

Here are some pictures we took on our hike (sorry some of them are blurry. ;o)

Some of the easier stretches of the trail. The one that turned out blurry unfortunately was very pretty and we didn’t notice the picture turned out blurry until we looked at our pictures on our phones when we got back to camp.

Another picture of us on the way to the beach. Very beginning of the hike and bugs were everywhere! lol Btw…see that zit or marking on my chin…yeah the whole mandatory mask bull shit has brought back my acne. I should be too old to still be getting acne tbh.


I saw this butterfly when we were hiking back. It is sorta blurry, but I tried to cropped it a bit as the butterfly flew away when I attempted a close up shot.


We ate lunch when we got back from our hike and just relaxed in what little shade we had on our site in our camping chairs. We tried to take a nap as we were really exhausted from our hike, but it was way too damn hot in the tent so we played card games and listened to music instead. Once the sun started to go down we lit the fire, drank some beers, ate dinner and enjoyed the rest of our final night by the bon fire. Drank a ton of beer and blared some oldies, and some music that was a more neighbor friendly. We got a pretty huge fire going as it was our last night and wanted to burn all the wood.

Random story time of whiny campers: Our camping neighbors to the right of us apparently didn’t like when my husband was re-hammering the stakes that came lose after the first night’s thunderstorm. The man complained ‘it is not like the tent is going anywhere.’ I am sorry, but the stakes did come lose from the wind all night and we weren’t sure if weather would blow back in for the last night again. Fine, whatever I can sympathize as I also have noise sensitivity and hate loud noises like banging. That was an easy complaint to ignore. It was later when the wife later complained about our camp fire that late afternoon/early evening made her RV smell like smoke. She whined ‘our RV smells like smoke’ and proceeded to slam her RV door rather adruptly and went inside to watch tv. I responded with as loud as I could ‘how dare people do normal camping stuff and enjoy nature.’ Like bitch stfu, why go out camping and complain about what most people do when they are in nature.


Here are like a ton more of pictures I took of the bon fire, can you tell I LOVE them? LOL

This was the second night before sun down.

My hubby photo bombing my picture.


Some from the night.

After crashing around midnight ish, we slept for like 5 hours and woke up around 5 am to rain again. Instead of waiting it out, we actually just got up and packed up in the pouring ass rain. It was miserable, but we were glad we did as we could get home early for a real shower that felt amazing and take a good nap in the air conditioning. My husband was super tricky how he took down the tent and actually managed to keep the tent dry for the most part. We just had to set the tent up at this beach later that day to dry the rain tarp and the tarp that was underneath the tent. The tent made it and is 100% still in great condition. I am really glad that we actually camped kinda close to home because our car is so tiny it made it much easier and quicker to just fill the car up twice and make two trips back home.

That is the end of our camping adventures. As much as the rain sucked and hiking that crazy ass trail made me sore as shit, I am glad we did it and I do not regret the trip as it gave us something to talk about and it is all apart of camping.

Ohh btw, I really love some of the gear we had bought too. Besides our tent being a really obvious great purchase, our rechargable lantern is really awesome as we saved money on batteries, it charges our phones etc and I am really glad we bought a 100 foot outdoor extension cord so we can camp pretty much anywhere and if electricity is available it will reach our tent or whatever however we choose to set up. We still need to upgrade some gear and get more stuff, but unfortunately we will have to wait to get a bigger vehicle, which is in the plans for our next stimulus check or if not in the very near future. I think we may able to pull off another small camping trip however further away from home still as we passed this first test trip with little problems. Either way, we plan on camping more by the end of the summer.

PS: I actually wrote this post throughout the day as I took a nap, did some chores and watched some streams on twitch. Sorry if some of it seems a bit rushed or unorganized, but I really wanted to share this before I head back to work. xD

Posted in music, Uncategorized

Incredible… <3

I shared before I have had the pleasure to spend time on Twitch in Matthew K Heafy’s (guitar and lead vocals for Trivium) stream and he was working on an acoustic cover of Hells Bells by ACDC…for more information about that post you can read it here

Well…here is the final piece. Of course he had to perfect and share it on youtube live from his stream when the hubby and I were busy getting ready for our vacay or I actually forget why I missed it last Friday. Here is that cover. He really took his fans advice on his vocals and the acoustic for this one. xD

It is one of my favorite covers too of his! I think it’s truly amazing.

Later I will be sharing the hubby’s and I camping adventures and some pics. Stay tuned! 🙂

Posted in Uncategorized

Get on your knees and bow downnn!

When you go into work and the truck load to work is huge and everyone is bitching making it worse with their negativity. xD

So burned out from work, tired of the whining at work…Last night I blared this song got super angry and pumped. Took it out on my job and stocked really fast. Hahaha

Vacation starts tomorrow. It is so overdue. It is only a mini vacay…two nights camping and then two nights off after to spend at home and just relax. 😛 Excited!!!

May share some pics from the camping trip…we shall see. xD

Posted in Uncategorized

‘I reach for calm, I starve for a balance unknown, this burden tortures me deep in my soul’

Still working on that autism playlist…I have decided for the time being to make one huge playlist of songs that have therapeutically helped me with everything including my autism journey, my mental health such as depression, my battles with anxiety and everything else tbh. I will then break it down eventually more, but will share the rough probably 200+ playlist very soon. See the problem was I tried to like sort it into playlists right away and got so frustrated because I am such a damn perfectionist and my OCD is horrible that I kept deleting the playlists and starting over. So starting over again. xD

I shared this band’s music yesterday and shared I have been enjoying Matt Heafy’s (lead vocals and also guitar player of Trivium) and Paolo’s (bass player for Trivium) streams and hoping to actually catch their drummer’s stream soon as well. They are such down to earth dudes and I think I have fell in love with the band and music all over again.

Anywhooo here is one track that will hold a special place in my playlist as it does in my heart.

Not only has it been a huge part of my growing up, it has one of the best guitar intros I have ever heard.

About a month back, my friend at work was playing this song on his bluetooth speaker and our manager thought the song was singing ‘rip your heart from your face.’ I DIED.

If you are a follower and/or a reader and not a metal head here is some acoustic Matthew K Heafy and Trivium.

From Matt’s streams that I watch religiously now and is helping keep me uplifted through quarantine.

From his twitch stream yesterday. ❤

Another stream 'Hi, I'm Matt' LOL I love how he shares this is the new form of communication in our new norm. Minus the sound problems. HAHA 'You get what you pay for kids' ~ Matthew K Heafy 2020 AKA FREE

Horrible camera man who needs to find another day job, but amazing performance.

Bleed Into Me ~ Trivium Acoustic

If you want a laugh…he reacted to some of his old streams. Haha. I was so glad I didn't miss this one too. Just his look of disgust is hilarious.

Trivium is so overlooked in music, not just metal. I saw that Alex their drummer was ranked top 13 of metal drummers to some article on twitter yesterday…and while I understood the list. The dude is a beast drummer. How about top 10 of all drummers? Matt Heafy I don't give a fuck what anyone says he is one of the best guitar players of all time. I will challenge anyone to that. Just look into the dude beyond just Trivium. xD

Random Trivium facts: Trivium has been through a few different drummers, their first one was really fucked up on drugs etc…(not my business, but this is public info tbh. I wouldn't share it with the band however. LOL) I am sure it is something they'd prefer to forget. Trivium was almost the perfect band in search of a great drummer. Alex was that. He is the perfect fit. In my opinion since Alex joined Trivium, they are pretty untouchable. Fight me metal heads.

PS: I really need to open a music blog so I can vent about music. HAHA. Sorry, not sorry. 😮

Posted in Uncategorized

One great thing about the pandemic and social media :)

Since this pandemic thing has began, going to concerts or seeing bands live is something we have not been able to do. As a music lover who now has more funds to pretty much go see anyone I want now, this pandemic is killing me because we can’t see anyone live anymore. I haven’t seen much live music as it is and it is on my bucket list to do so more. I am going to for sure after this whole pandemic blows over.

However, with things like Twitch and other streaming platforms a lot of artists and bands have been streaming live. I think it is such an amazing thing to still get the support they need for their day job and also to connect with their beloved fans. I have been spending time on Matt Heafy(lead guitar and vocals of Trivium) and Paolo’s(bass player for Trivium) stream these past few days and they are amazing people. Matt Heafy is my husbands favorite guitar players of all time and one of mine. (I appreciate too much talent to say he is the only one haha) Being able to connect with them through stream and hear them play music live has been such a treat. It is like a free concert or even just have a conversation. I can’t lie…my heart skips a little when Matt Heafy responds to things I say on his stream. xD Matt is such a down to earth person.

I use to think Twitch was more of a toxic community, or the chat would go by way too damn fast because it is the most popular streaming platform. I now feel it just depends on the streamer you are watching and/or the time you are watching for traffic. Mixer closed, and some of you may know I supported a lot of streamers through mixer, but they pissed a lot of people off and closed down. Leaving me no choice to convert back to Twitch for free entertainment, but it is not as bad as some people made it out to be.

I think it times when we are stuck at home, or for those who refuse to go out even if society reopened (and if you are one of those people I thank you) that things like this is really important.

The husband and I plan on seeing Trivium live or catch them on tour after all this shit ends, but until then we have Twitch. ❤ 🙂

I asked Matt Heafy to play this song on guitar today and he did. I died…it was amazing. I was head banging too. xD

He also is trying to work on a 'Hells Bells' ACDC cover on acoustic and this dude is so amazing. He has been effing around with it(and given permission to do so) the past couple streams and asking fans for feed back and I am like OMG I love this… haha

Posted in Uncategorized

I think I used the ‘F’ word at least 5 times in this post. :/

Hello all my amazing followers and readers!

As some of you already know, our family heard the other week that my Oma (Grandma in Austrian German etc…my mom’s mom) has cancer that has spread throughout her whole body and it is too late for treatment or chance of recovery. They are given her weeks to live.

For more details about such and what she is/was to me growing can check this post I wrote a couple weeks back when I first heard the news: click here duhhh

I called her again today and we talked for awhile. Hearing her voice and just talking to her about everything is so hard. She said all she can do is rest a lot, it hurts or tiring to even get around slightly, but that they recommend she does get up and move around as much as she can. She still has no appetite because her digestive system is so fucked up…I think I forgot to mention before btw…My oma is an amazing cook and baker, now she can’t enjoy that anymore. Even though my oma is 93, she was still very active and only in the past year or so she has slowed down because she has arthritis in her knees. Cancer has stolen the life right out of her literally. She said she has talked to her doctor, the priest (She is Catholic) and the cancer specialist or something and shared that cancer is a very tough subject to discuss or deal with, but of course it must be done. I am thinking to myself that I can’t even fucking imagine. I broke down as soon as I got off the phone, but would not let me break down too much while on the phone. I can’t do that to her.

I fucking hate that I can’t be with her right now. My Opa’s (grandpa in Austrian German grandparents are Austrian if you haven’t got that yet. xD) death a few years back, was hard..but like it doesn’t feel as difficult as this. I miss my Opa dearly, but I also got to spend the time with him and visited etc before he passed and he also passed very quickly. I think the whole ‘cancer’ thing is what I am having a really hard time with because my oma out of all fucking people, doesn’t deserve to go out this way. Between that and me not being able to spend these last few whatever time she has left with her is eating me up inside. It’s not so much I know my Oma lived a fulfilled life and that death is inevitable, and I will miss her…it feels a lot more than that. I’m just having a really hard time.

I just got through a really bad period in my life again and for awhile my life was getting back on track, things were going good and we actually had things to look forward too and now this. Life is so fucking unfair. It sounds like I am being selfish or like I never went through something worse (I have) I am just like why now? I also haven’t really had a really good cry like I am right now (I am breaking the fuck down and trying to not soak my keyboard in tears as I am writing this) besides moments where I thought about this whole situation and teared up a bit. Maybe I need this, I don’t know. I just know it really sucks.

I know I am very fortunate to have the time with my grandparents, and I spent a lot of my time with my Oma. I am thankful now that I have, and how much I called her when I wasn’t there. Believe me. If anything this has taught me is, keep in touch with the ones you love, because you never know what can happen or when it is too late. I am fortunate to have so many great memories of her, but in this moment none of that is fucking helping right now and maybe that’s okay. I think I need to go through this process. I will be okay.

I am really going to fucking miss her, and I am really mad I can’t be back home right now. I miss home too, especially right now. Fuck immigration not getting back to me by now, fuck COVID and this pandemic and FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK CANCER.

Yeah maybe that sums it up? No, but I just needed to vent and I wanted to share some tunes I am currently balling my eyes out too right now.

PS: Sorry for all the cursing, particularly all the ‘fucks.’ Also sorry for the bad paragraphing, grammar or whatever in this post. It was not meant to be organized or anything. I am literally sharing my thoughts the best I can and pressing publish.

I know I share this band a lot lately(cause they fucking rock tbh) but this is not a heavy song by them at all and may be more suiting to some tastes. This song came on my playlist at work last night and I had to instantly change it cause I was going to break the eff down, but nothing is stopping me from crying to it right now. ❤

Cancer is a thief…

I didn’t know this song was about cancer for a really long time. Now it makes sense to me and really means something to me.

‘Well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes, and the rain's gonna wash away I believe it’

A song that reminds me of home. ❤