My Mental Health Tag Reblogged

As I am sitting here struggling to find words to describe my own story with mental illness or to bring awareness more. As I would love to do more this week and I have talked about in recent posts I figured The Mental Health Tag I did a few weeks ago when I first opened my blog would be a great idea to share again.

The Mental Health Tag

Also this happened today

I would like to give another huge shout out and thank yous to all my followers and supporters, old and new. This means the world to me and inspires me to keep writing etc. Like I mentioned many times before it really confirms I did the right thing for myself by opening this new blog. Thank you everyone! I really appreciate the support and look forward to conversing with all of you and reading your new posts as well. Woot!

Another loved band and song that has helped me through dark times.

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When The Little Things In Life Make You Smile…

So I have been really obsessed with this song since I heard it a few months ago and it has been stuck in my head for a couple days now (and can’t get it out of my head tbh) searching the video I decided to read the youtube comments and I am glad I did because one simple comment made me laugh really hard. Something I really needed today. xD

Here is the video:

And here is the comment that gave me the best chuckle I have had in awhile. You can also find it by scrolling down on the video it is like the third comment down.

loll

Save Me…

I thought with yesterday’s very unfortunate and scary events(As I am sure more and more people are becoming aware) if not, I am sharing this song as my dedication to Mental Illness this week. If I can’t sit down and seem to write my thoughts about mental illness or it’s stigma etc as I am still feeling really off. I will still kind of try to share my story maybe with quotes, music etc. The least I will do this week on my blog is share some quotes or music that has helped me in my darkest hours in life and other ways to dedicate this blog to mental health this week.

Here is one of my favorite songs I grew up listening to and still listen to when I am going through depressing cycles.

Had a bad day, don’t talk to me,
Gonna ride this out,
My little black heart, breaks apart,
With your big mouth.
And I’m sick of my sickness
Don’t touch me, you’ll get this.
I’m useless, lazy, perverted,
And you hate me.
You can’t save me,
You can’t change me,
Well I’m waiting for my wakeup call,
And everything, everything’s my fault.
Went to the doctor, and I asked her,
To make this stop. (whoa)
Got medication, a new addiction,
Fucking thanks a lot.
I had to relapse, I’m bad at rehabs
It ruins everything. (whoa)
So point your finger, at the singer,
He’s in the pharmacy.
You can’t save me,
You can’t change me,
Well I’m waiting for my wake up call,
And everything’s my fault.
You can’t save me,
You can’t blame me,
Well I’m waiting here to take a fall,
And everything, and everything’s my fault.
And I’m a death threat haven’t slept yet,
Baby why the wake up call
I’m the bad boy tell the tabloids
Everything’s my fault.
Whoa whoa whoa yeah, write it write it,
Whoa Whoa whoa everything’s my fault,
Everything’s my fault.
I went to heaven, but couldn’t get in,
For what I have done.
I said please take me, they said you’re crazy
You had too much fun.
You can’t save me,
You can’t change me,
Well I’m waiting for my wake up call,
And everything’s my fault.
You can’t save me,
You can’t blame me,
Well I’m waiting here to take a fall,
And everything, everything’s my fault.
You can’t save me,
You can’t change me,
You can’t save me,
You can’t change me,
You can’t save me,
You can’t change me, (everything’s my fault)
You can’t save me,
You can’t change me,
Everything’s my fault.

With this morning awful events

I heard from the wordpress community a fellow blogger attempted suicide this morning. I have also heard the cops were contacted and got to her on time. As of right now I believe she is still with us, luckily. I don’t know this blogger, but as a person who has suffered from mental illness and suicidal thoughts in the past (I have made an attempts a couple times myself along time ago in my teens) and fight my demons, struggles and illness everyday. She is not alone. She is one of too many that has lost hope. She even has children, which I cannot imagine what she is going through. If I had children I don;t think I could ever take my own life (I can’t even right now or do that to the people in my life) so she must be in a very desperate and dire situation. I did send her my thoughts and support in a comment on her blog post. I found her blog through wordpress gossip etc. I was not going to share her blog here as she is in such a desperate and vulnerable state but it has alreadt been passed around etc and I think if everyone says a little something or to show support in some way I am hoping we can reach her and help her get through this awful time. I want to write more this week about this kind of tough topics and the stigma we still fight of mental illness everyday, but until then. I think maybe we as the wordpress community or anyone who sees this could come up with something special we could do for her. I am currently thinking of something I could do or us as a community could do as a special dedication and tribute to her. I will let you know if I come up with anything. Her blog can be found here

Until then, here is a song I’d like to dedicate to everyone battling mental illness and especially those contemplating suicide. You may not know me as I am an anonymous blogger, but know you are NOT alone.

Things That Help Me Relax (Revised)

Hello all my lovely readers and bloggers! I hope everyone is having a great and/or relaxing weekend.

The hubby and I are taking our Saturday off to do nothing, but get some down time and relaxation in. (well other than laundry which I have to do fairly soon here. Blah!) I thought it would be a great time to revisit and re edit my favorite things I do to relax or that helps me with things like my anxiety. This was recently shared in early January on my older blog, but I think this post will be helpful to share here and another way new readers can get to know more about me. I also still am at a loss with my writing so yes I have been trying to remain somewhat active by going through old posts. I love a lot of my old posts I wrote for my other blog and I am trying to transition a lot of them here. I kinda figured while my writing is kinda amiss why not use this time to share a couple or few.

I am currently waking up with a nice warm cup of coffee as I write this. So grab your favorite drink, pull up a comfy chair etc and get relaxed with me because this post is all about relaxing!

In today’s dedicated post I will be sharing my favorite things or things I do to relax when I am needing to distress or am very anxious. I will be listing them in bullet point form, because if you can’t tell by now I like my lists. xD So here we go!

My Favorite Things I Do To Relax (In order: #1 being my favorite. Well I am going to try my best to organize them into some order from my favorite to the ones I do the least or what have you. Some I do as much as the other, depends on my mood, but still love the same and so on. But this is a general list. :))

#1 Music

As most of you know I have a very deep passion for music and it is my drug, religion etc. Music is enjoyed by many people and is known to be able to alter moods, inspire and even save lives. Music is my life line and in a way it may be more so than some.

It is not just one of my favorite hobbies, but it is the one thing I always turn to when I need to calm down or regain control over my emotions and feelings. It is one thing that no matter how anxious I am or stressed if I listen to music in one form or another it will always instantly relax me. I spent a lot of time just sitting and listening to music with my earphones or blaring it in the house. It also becomes the background of my many other hobbies such as playing The Sims, phone games etc. I also sometimes even write lyrics (which admittedly I haven’t done in quite some time unfortunately.) Most of the time music becomes the main focus of whatever I am doing. I can’t even explain where my passion of music comes from. I know part of it stems from my childhood as my parents always played music in the house, but I think it is deeper than that. Also has something to do with being a very lyrical person which I am. 99% of my music playlists, songs etc consists and must have lyrics. Maybe has to do with my creativity of writing or it speaks to me? I don’t know. Music has been there for me when no one else was or I felt alone, and it has saved my life literally many times. I am one of those crazy people who cannot live without it.

#2 Back rubs or any kind of massages/rubs from my husband.
This one most definitely stems from my childhood as my parents would rub my back every night to help me fall asleep after reading me a bedtime story or two. Even though I am very sensitive to touch and can be even be bothered by being touch, back rubs always will relax and calm me down. If it is not calming me down and draining out the anxious thoughts in my head, it is putting me to sleep. It is one thing that has always helped me feel calm and secure. I am so happy I found my hubby to do this for me as I missed it since a child. Hehe. I really need to look into getting one of those massage chairs in the future so my hubby can get a break once in awhile. The only problem with that however is I’d probably live in that chair and never leave it, so many hours in my day would be wasted. Haha.

#3 Hot Shower and/or Bath
Bath with bubbles, music and candles is like pure heaven. It is one of the most relaxing things I always did growing up, especially at the end of a long stressful day. However, we currently do not have a bathtub in our space, but is a must have when we look for a new place. Until then, I have settled for a hot shower, which can also be very relaxing and take my mind off things temporarily or give me a much needed break in my days etc.

#4 Hot cup of tea or hot chocolate
As much as I love coffee in the morning to help me wake up it causes me to be a lot more anxious, so I often enjoy making a hot cup of tea or hot chocolate to relax. Especially a cup of tea adds a sweet relaxing bonus to some of my favorite hobbies like watching a favorite show/movie, playing video games and especially writing. Whatever it may be, both these things go well with just about any relaxing activity or hobby.

I have a huge white cup with blue on the inside and it reads tea that my parents got for me a few Christmas’ ago. They said I drank so much tea that this humongous mug reminded them of me. Haha. It is also great for coffee (two cups in one) or hot chocolate etc. However, it’s still back in Canada as my parents are holding onto the stuff I haven’t been able to go back and get since moving to the USA. I can’t wait to get all my stuff and use that cup again. Until then I have to settle for a more average size cup so I normally just have two cups at once. 😛

I currently still drink a lot of Tetley tea with milk and sugar (although I am trying to cut sugar out of everything or use less sugar in my coffee and tea) and I really like The Celestial Fruit tea. It is caffeine free so I love winding down with a nice cup of it before bed. I am trying more different teas recently and if you have any suggestions of kinds to try, feel free to share them!

My husband doesn’t drink tea so I normally drink hot chocolate when I want to make something for both him and I. I also drink hot chocolate a lot after being outside in the cold for too long.

I know I mentioned coffee isn’t as relaxing as a nice cup of tea or hot chocolate, but sometimes it can be. Like it always is in the morning while I wake up slowly as I am not a morning person at all. I like can’t deal with life until I have been awake for almost an hour and finished my two cups of coffee. I also love drinking coffee with baked goods once in awhile. I find this to be very enjoyable. I think it comes from my Oma who always has one small cup of coffee with one of her baked goods after her afternoon nap.

#5 Writing
If you follow and read a lot of my blogs you probably already know I love writing. It is one of my favorite things to do and it does help me relax. However, most of the time writing does require work, thoughts and for my brain to actually be well-functioning and that is why it is a bit lower on my list. It is not that I like it less than my other hobbies, it is, in fact, one of my favorite hobbies. Just that because if I am writing a blog post or what have you it does involve some form of brain activity and work so it is not always the most relaxing, although it can be in its own way I think. Sometimes I do write down just my feelings in a journal or a quick journal entry, which is very relaxing.

#6 Watching my favorite movie/tv show
I love relaxing on the couch and/or in my bed cuddled up with my favorite flick on or binge watching my favorite shows or series I am watching at the time. It is one of my favorite hobbies and is great for a distraction if there is too much in my mind going on to sort out yet. I am known for rewatching the same series (currently re watching Heartland for the second time as a refresh before Netflix gets the 10th season. I have watched One Tree Hill series almost twice all the way though and I have watched the first 5 or 6 seasons of the Walking Dead twice.) My favorite movies I have seen a lot of them more than 3-5 times and can basically quote all the lines to my favorite movies.

#7 Video Games
As mentioned many times before on my blog, I am a huge Sim nerd. I love playing the Sims on my laptop. I also have become a bigger Xbox gamer these past few years. I always loved playing video games on my brother’s console or our consoles we shared as children. Some of my favorite games include Zelda, anything Mario related (Mario Kart!) Donkey Kong, Sims (Sims 3 especially) Life Is Strange, hockey games, Borderlands series, The GTA series, Hay Day, Best Fiends, Home Street and tons more. I love video games and phone games. 😃 I never thought I was a huge game nerd and I didn’t play video games all the time growing up, but when I thought about it I am in my own way and have become more of one recently. It is one of my favorite ways to relax and distress.

#8 Coloring
I love to listen to music and color in coloring books. Yes I am 30 and still color in coloring books. I know what you are thinking…A lot of people color in those adult coloring books, but no not just adult coloring books the children ones as well. Currently I have one adult coloring book, a Finding Nemo and a cat coloring book (the cat one is very much for kids and has activities as well as coloring, however it was a dollar so I got it to add to my small collection.) I color a lot in my Finding Nemo coloring book because I adore Finding Nemo and it is more challenging to color in my adult coloring book as I only have crayons right now. I left all my pencil crayons, markers with my scrapbooking and crafts stuff back in Canada and have only recently purchased a couple boxes of crayons. Something else I use to do a lot was color with pencil crayons and then outline the colors with markers of the same color. If that makes sense, but like mentioned I don’t have markers right now. *sad face* I find coloring very relaxing and because I am not very good or enjoy many arts and crafty stuff, this is a perfect way to sit back and relax. Keeps my mind and hands busy. I kind of include it as a fidget or stimming toy as well.

#9 My stuffed animal collection
Though it is very small right now, I love collecting and having stuffed animals. Something about them brings a smile to my face and is very relaxing. Especially the ones that are made of very soft and high-quality material, such as toys made by the TY company.

Something else that probably stems from my childhood. I use to collect and play with stuffed animals a lot as a child. I played make-believe games with them, cuddled them, took them everywhere with me and so on. I preferred them to people and use to think they had real feelings. Cheesy I know! xD

Right now I only have my bedtime care bear (which I do sleep with every night or nap time etc. I call him ‘go to bed bear.’ I swear I am an adult! But adulting is hard so that is why stuffed animals and coffee were invented obviously.) and my three beanie boos made by TY. My bedtime bear, the monkey and penguin beanie boos were given to me as gifts on various occasions by my husband. He plans to buy me more beanie boos to add to my collection in the future. It kinda all started when I pointed out how much I loved the monkey stuffie in the store one day. I believe it was my birthday not long after and he surprised me with the monkey, then the penguin a few months later. He gave me bedtime bear one year for Christmas. I recently purchased a kitty beanie boo with the amazon gift card given to us by my parents for last Christmas. That is my very small, but lovable collection of stuffed animals so far that is growing.

The beanie boos mainly remain on my dresser and whenever I look at them I smile. If I am feeling very anxious I sometimes do take them off the dresser and sit with them as it relaxes me. Their super soft material is really win to feel.

#10 Going for a walk or working out
Though sometimes I need a lot of motivation to work out, something I do a lot when I am feeling restless or very stressed is to go for a walk. Working out can also often help when I am feeling stuck inside and/or restless etc. It is another hobby I enjoy as well with music. 😃 Music can really help inspire me to be more active. I wouldn’t say working out is relaxing, but it can cure restlessness and helps me sleep better etc. I love going for nature walks though or through our quiet neighborhood with my earphones and ipod. I also loved hiking growing up and use to do a lot more of it. I grew up in a very outdoorsy place and really miss it as I do love the outdoors.

#11 Scrapbooking
Scrapbooking is more of a hobby, but it is relaxing as well so I had to put it on my list. 😃 It is lower on the list because it is a hobby I don’t get around to doing enough and currently all my scrapbooking stuff (I have a huge tote full and a couple shoe boxes or anonymous boxes full of scrapbooking kits, stickers, stuff and my pictures, cards, concert tickets etc) is still back in Canada so I haven’t scrapbooked much, actually since I met my husband a few years ago. :/ However, I am the most excited about getting my scrapbooking stuff back than anything else and getting back to doing it more often. It is much like my writing a hobby I let slip for sometime, but need to return too. Haha. My hubby’s dad and step mom got me a colored printer/scanner on my birthday this year and if I can fix it(The printer works perfectly, my laptop is broken because well it’s a long story) it will be so nice to print pictures with and a nice bonus for my scrapbooking hobby. Can’t wait!

#12 Reading
I do enjoy a good book and I read a variety of genres. It is last on my list because I don’t read as much as I would like too and I don’t have many books right now. I need to look into buying more and getting a library membership. I have gotten away from this enjoyable hobby in the last few years and need to implement it back into my life.

Bonus/extra notes: Something I often do while out in public to help me relax and when down time is not an option is I take short bathroom breaks to refocus and get away from whatever I am doing or people. I can go and pour warm water on my face (I would say hot water, but most public bathrooms now have that temperature control bs which I blame stupid people for tbh. *angry face*) or I take a few minutes to listen to a favorite song or two on my ipod. Sometimes I also try concentrating on one spot of where I am sitting or standing to help myself regain focus. Often when I was working or I am in stores I can listen to the background music playing and whatever song it is even if I don’t really listen to it personally or like it, it can often calm me down as well. If I do happen to like or know the song I sing along to the lyrics in my head. (Not out loud of course because I am a horrible singer. Haha)

Well that’s a wrap on some of my favorite relaxing hobbies or things that really help me with my anxiety and stress. What are some of your favorite things you do to relax or helps you relax? Let me know in the comment section!

(Old Post ~ Revisited) Asperger Syndrome And Relationships (My survival guide to a successful relationship)

Hi again to all my amazing followers and readers!

This is an older post that was originally posted on September 14th, 2017 on my old blog ‘Rude Girl ~ Living In An Aspie World’ that is now officially closed. I did quickly revise and did little editing. I do want to redo this whole post I think and make like some section or series out of it on my blog here. However, I am still kind of all over the place and my writing as well has been suffering this past week or so. I still wanted to share it here for those who may have missed it or new followers, as I think it is a really important topic that doesn’t get discussed often enough. In fact, some articles or research will even say people on the spectrum or aspie can’t have successful relationships or are capable of such. And to those critics I am calling bs. 🙂 So here it is.

Note: This post will be subject to change again in the future and whatever I plan to do with it etc. It may even been edited as soon as I get my brain back in order tbh.

Being married to an aspie or someone on the spectrum is hard work to say the least. Some would even say it’s impossible. (Rude mofos tbh jk jk) I think it depends on a few key factors. I will be the first to say I lucked out in all the key factors when it comes to my relationship and personally as an individual. My symptoms are high functioning, my husband has solid social skills and we have both become great at both adaption and acceptance. We also have enough in common that helps us understand one another and makes us compatible. However I will also be the first person to say it has been very challenging, but well worth it in the end. 

So here are my tips and tricks aka survival guide to having a successful relationship as someone who lives with Asperger Syndrome. I would have titled this a successful marriage, but I am newly married (since last June) but we have been living together for almost three years. So call it what you will, it is successful either way.

Please note this may not be helpful advice to everyone on the spectrum, every aspie or if you are neurotypical and your partner is on the spectrum, as these are only my personal experiences and opinions. I will post this in a bullet point way as it will make it easier to read and understand. 

#1 Communication Is Key 
Communication is the key to any successful relationship or marriage, but it is especially crucial for a Neurotypical-Aspie relationship. As I do struggle with communication deficits, it can cause for many communication break downs and us taking turns in taking offence to things we really didn’t need to take offence to at all. Despite knowing each other very well, it still happens sometimes.

There are times I offer to make food, coffee or do something nice for my husband and in most cases I am already doing it and he will decline the offer because he doesn’t want to make extra work for me. Later to find out he did want something which leads to us both feeling bad. He feels I am selfish and only doing it for myself (even though I took his no as a final no.) and I feel like I was tested and failed. So it is important for him to tell me exactly how he feels or what he wants/needs. I always need to be told straight forward. Forget dropping hints, body languages and other signs. I also often need to be told many times in different ways until I understand it. There are times I have to explain myself or feelings in different ways until he gets it because I can have a difficult time making sense of what I am trying to say. 

When you do offend your partner as either an aspie or neurotypical it is important to talk about it as soon as possible. This can be often hard for me because I often beat myself up on the inside for a long time and struggle inwardly after I offended my husband in any way. It is something I continue to work on. It is better to talk about it though sooner than later because the sooner you do it the less time you spend in silence, ignoring each other and hurt by it. 

Also to note that sometimes the aspie partner will not understand how they offended their partner and therefor feel no apology is needed. Get over it. It doesn’t matter you didn’t intentionally hurt them, it doesn’t matter how silly or meaningless it is. What matters is you hurt your partner and you need to simply apologize. Forget the “It’s not what I meant” or “its not a big deal” it is a big deal if your partner is hurt by your words or actions. It is important for both partners to take responsibility of their actions no matter how big or small and apologize. 

#2 That both partners understand the diagnoses of Asperger Syndrome, Autism or whatever your diagnoses may be and how it can affect your relationship. (I will talk about it from a personal stand point like all of this post is. However, for anyone living with any kind of diagnoses this tip can be important and very helpful I think)

This one is very important to me and is actually one of the reasons why I believed my husband was the one and only for me. When we first met and he found out about my diagnoses he looked into it and researched everything there is to know about Aspegers Syndrome and Autism.  It has also helped him know a lot more about me in times I do fail to communicate and understand some of my behaviours. 

#3 Divide up household chores and responsibilities according to each partner’s strengths

I am fully aware of my strengths and weaknesses. I am great at making to do lists and sticking to it, I am great at cleaning and organizing. I am just learning how to cook, but I still really suck at it and don’t fully trust my skills. So my husband still cooks the majority of the dinners and I either do the dishes or we do them together as we see it as a nice family chore we can do together.  I am great with kids and have a lot of patience for them. (This may be surprising I know. xD I only have patience with mini humans tbh.) We don’t have children yet, but when we plan to have children I can see me having a lot of that responsibility because I enjoy it. I am a great writer, love to write and have neater hand writing so I deal a lot with those sort of things for both of us. We both share the managing of the finances as I am okay with money and managing it, but it is not one of my stronger suits. I can’t book appointments worth a shit as it exhausts me and I procrastinate a lot when having to book one or talk to anyone over the phone or in person as it drains all my energy. So it is something he will often help me with when I have to do it and he can handle his own end as he knows I really struggle with it.

Right now I am not working, but will be returning to work very soon. So for now we have a schedule and responsibilities that work for us. I handle all the household cleaning and he works full time. Before when we were both working he handled working full time and a lot more household chores as I was too overwhelmed/exhausted from work at the end of the day and my weekends consisted of resting up for the next week ahead. Sometimes we would either divide up the chores for the weekend or we would do them together so they would get done faster and we could both enjoy our relaxing weekend. When I go back to work I am sure it will fall back to him handling more household chores and me trying to help him whenever I am able to. Sometimes I do have to swallow my frustrations and help him as it is not fair to leave all the responsibilities to one partner. I know it will be something I can always improve on when I do return to work. 

#4 Lots, lots and lots of downtime

The only advice I can offer to people on the spectrum or aspies who is in a relationship with someone who is a social butterfly is to always communicate when you need alone time, but do it in a way your partner will not take it personally and think it’s them. It is important to communicate when you also want to be left alone because you are too overwhelmed. If you wait too long and get angry at your partner who keeps annoying you with social interactions, he or she will take offence to the frustrating response and is likely to take it more personally. It is also important to express how you are feeling when out in public and express that you need to leave the environment. If your NT partner cannot leave or you both feel rude for leaving then you need to find a quiet place where you can relax and refocus. This is advice I take myself, but you may need to try and communicate it more if your partner is say more social than my husband.

I do not have much of a problem because as socially strong and stable my husband is, he is much like me when it comes to socializing with people and crowds. We both don’t like crowds. We both enjoy a certain amount of our own alone time. When we do spend time together it is normally routinely (Routines are great. 😉 ) and we also schedule things like dates like a week ahead. When we go to stores like Wal Mart or even hell just the grocery store my husband manages a lot so I don’t get overwhelmed and he also is great at knowing when I am over it and want to get the heck out of said place. He also knows me so well now that he actually will tell me I need down time, or he picks up on the clues so he doesn’t take it personally. 

Right now I am getting a lot more down time as I am not working and the hubby is away at work. So for now and not much longer things have been running quite smoothly. This may change when I do return to work, who am I kidding? It most definitely will change and take some readjusting again. (I see a part two to this post or series in the future. Haha) Something great my hubby suggested back when I was working was to only work out on the days I felt up for it, but to always take a hot shower either after work or the work out. We had a work out routine going for sometime and it was great, but I now often work out by myself when he is at work. I kinda miss it and as it was very routine like everything I do is, I actually was pretty good with keeping up with it. The hot shower was probably the best suggestion anyone has given me because it helped me transition from work mode to being home. I would then take mandatory down time until dinner and sometimes after dinner if I needed more time. I will have to remember these tips and tricks when I return to work here within the next couple weeks.

#5 Accept that both of you, but especially aspies will have bad days

Normally I have a good handle on my more annoying aspie traits and it’s associated disorders. However when I am more anxious or stressed, my autism and other diagnoses that goes along with being aspie rears it’s ugly head and those symptoms I normally have control over  worsen. I become more irritable, impatient, frustrated, less likely to be able to deal with routine change and more vulnerable to sensory overload when stressed or anxious. Symptoms that don’t normally affect my functioning can become a big obstacle and has definitely tested our relationship at times. It makes it more stressful for my husband if/when he is already going through a stressful time or having a bad day and has to deal with my break downs or out breaks of my autism traits on top of everything else. This is something I am definitely still continuing to work on to make it less awful for both of us. Like I already mentioned taking a lot of down time helps me to be able to deal with life’s ups and downs, giving myself sensory breaks and routine are a few things that can even help me in the most stressful times. Other than that, I don’t have a lot of tips or advice as it continues to be a struggle for myself. Luckily my outbreaks happen few and far between. My husband does accept that I do have bad days even if it emotionally and mentally drains both of us. He also has bad days and when we have a bad day at the same time, these have been the real tests of our relationships and how I know our relationship is successful or at least meant to be, as cheesy as that sounds…it’s true.

#6 Live together before getting married (This is good advice for everyone in a relationship who are thinking of marriage or spending the rest of their lives with that special someone, but I feel I need to touch on this as I have read many horror articles of the NT blaming Asperger Syndrome or autism for a failed marriage or relationship.) 

I have spent a lot of time researching and reading articles about aspies or people on the spectrum being in relationships out of curiosity and information never hurts. It shocked and angered me how many articles or blogs were written by a neurotypical writing how frustrating their aspie’s or autistic partners traits or personality was. Not just how frustrating though, I understand frustration and even anger, but they were like down right hateful. That if their partner ever read their articles or blogs they’d be long gone. Now the fact you are hating on your partner aspie, autistic or not  online for the world to see without their knowing is a different discussion on it’s own, but not what this post is about. I have also read articles where a neurotypical went through a divorce with an aspie and blamed the failed marriage entirely on Asperger Syndrome. Even though this has nothing to do with what I am going to discuss, but it is daft as fuck to blame a failed relationship or marriage solely on one person or one thing. I am not sure if I am ranting about failed NT-Aspie marriages or I am just ranting about stupid people in general. (which is something that will happen often here on my blog. You have been warned) Either way, I thought I’d give a background or introduction on why I want to stress that you should try living with someone on the spectrum before marrying them. Maybe longer than you would say in a NT-NT relationship.  

You can’t truly get to know someone for good or worse until you live with them day to day, and since people on the spectrum tend to struggle more with things like social interactions and can become more easily socially overwhelmed it will only benefit both partners in the NT-Aspie relationship to try living together first.
 
It allows you to see if you can accept the bad days or bad times an aspie will probably go through more so than the NT. It gives you the best chance to truly get to know each other and through that you can discover if you can work on your weaknesses and difficulties. If you cannot work on your weaknesses you will find out if you can accept the person’s weaknesses. It is not such a change or shock for an aspie like myself who needs everything to be the damn same all the time, to have a human being constantly being around, changing shit around without warning and their quirks are to hard for you to adapt to and now you can’t back out because you married them. Well you could file for divorce, but trust me you don’t want to be that fool that has been divorced 3 or 4 times. Just don’t be that person because weddings and lawyers are expensive as fuck. It also gives marriage no meaning tbh. 

Unless you are awesome like myself who’s wedding cost $0 Hubby’s suit: borrowed aka FREE Dinner: paid for and complimentary wedding cake from the restaurant aka more free shit. We also got alcohol given to us for the evening. Biggest score for sure. The biggest cost was my dress that was $25 and our very cheap wedding bands(You can tell they are cheap because I am not sharing the price here. xD) that we plan to renew when we are filthy rich. Jk we will never be filthy rich, but when we are no longer poor. 🙂 Okay we are getting off topic I just thought I’d share this awesome fact with y’all because for an aspie no crowds and avoiding the center of attention was all I could ask for a perfect wedding and I achieved this. 

I just truly believe living together for at least a year or so is a true test and beneficial for both the NT and aspie for many different reasons. It also stops the stupidity that I explained above. 🙂 News flash if your marriage failed it is both partner’s fault and not just one or a diagnoses. 

Okay that is all the tips and tricks I have to a successful relationship for aspies. Sorry the last one is more of a rant and hint of randomness than actual solid advice, but I think you will get the point I was trying to make.  I am not editing this as I promised I would post today and I don’t got time for that. I think this post will be updated in the future anyways as I will have more tips to share and discover more the longer I am married and then I can edit it tbh. So this post is subject to change. xD

If you have any tips of your own, experiences to share or liked my post feel free to leave a comment.

Now here is a song that really relates to me and how I feel at times towards my husband. 🙂 ❤ When I found this song I was like OMG this is the perfect song to describe often at times how I feel. Kinda like the perfect soundtrack when my heart can't explain how I feel towards him. It was probably the first truest song I ever dedicated to him.

Revised: My Thoughts On Valentine’s Day

I am enjoying a nice cup of coffee while the hubby got off from work and is getting his much needed game time in. We are so alike in many ways, and one of those things is down time after work is important to both of us. I also took a nice nap and binged out some Heartland as I am still re-watching the series for a second time and I am feeling a bit better. So I thought I would take this time to re share a post from my older blog ‘Rude Girl ~ Living In An Aspie World’ about Valentine’s day since it is soon approaching. Except I am going to rewrite it in a way it has less aggression and less cursing than last time, at least that’s the plan. 😃 No promises. Hehe.

So here we go…

This post will share why I was never huge about Valentine’s Day and why I actually wouldn’t mind if it was completely removed, unless said changes happen. (Which I will share in this post.) Part of the reason may have been because I never really had many relationships growing up, especially in high school so I never really needed to celebrate the day. However, I have other reasons and they are not just because I am lonely and/or have anything against those who do celebrate this day. I however will be hating on Valentine’s day haters while hating on Valentine’s day because I am just contradictory like that. xD So bare with me.

The main reason why I never celebrated Valentine’s day and still don’t feel the need too even if I was in a relationship and now married is because I don’t think we need a day dedicated to celebrate love when it should be celebrated everyday. I do believe it is nice to go out for a nice dinner, or to shower your loved one with gifts once in awhile to show they are appreciated. I wouldn’t say no to being spoiled ever (because I kind of am tbh.) However, I think it is a lot more special to do this sporadically or whenever you want to do something nice for each other or for your partner just because you love them or whatever it may be and not because a day is set on the calender for it. I honestly believe it is more of a surprise and more meaningful when your partner does something special for you whenever because they want to and not on a day you are expecting it. Not to mention I am sure there are massive arguments sometimes between couple’s if one forgets what day Valentine’s day is or for whatever reason cannot do something on this day for their loved one. So yes I am not against celebrating your love or doing something special for one another, I just don’t understand why we need a day for it.

The fact valentine’s day is mainly for the females (you can argue that all you want, but we all know it’s true. If this was a man’s world I doubt the day would even exist) is really appalling to me. Sexism at it’s best. Yes it is not just the females that are always left out or left behind, hate to break it to you. If it wasn’t, why are men trying to petition for their day? If you have never heard of it, it is March 14th. Look it up. I don’t celebrate this day either, but I don’t expect to be showered with gifts and dinners on Valentine’s day either so my opinion is invalid. There is also international men’s and women’s day that I hardly hear about, so there is that too. Why is Valentine’s day so important?!

Another reason why I don’t care for Valentine’s day and in my opinion I think more people should consider this or at least petition for it, is it is not even a holiday. Seriously, why isn’t it? Every other silly celebration pretty much is so why can’t we have lovers day off? Wouldn’t it be nice to stay home, relax and cuddle with your loved one, maybe watch some romantic chick flicks or maybe go out to a nice dinner etc? You could like negotiate and make a deal that valentine’s day is the only day your partner has to sit through chick flicks with you. See I think this is a brilliant idea and I am pretty sure at least the females would petition with me on this.

This is probably more of a personal pet peeve of mine, but social media, school work etc becomes flooded with love birds who brag and sometimes even go out of their way to show how great it is they are in love (especially common in high school and young couples. Like no sorry dear you are 14, you probably wont be marrying your first boyfriend that you have been dating for two weeks. Please just eat your chocolate and shush.) They spend money on senseless and cliché gifts like flowers that die. On the other side of the coin you have those teens or people who cry how much they hate the day, pretty much venting so loud they could start a rally because they are lonely and share or write senseless babble (like I am doing right now tbh. Hahaha No.) how cool it is to get on the Valentine’s hate train. Like seriously, stop whining if you were truly happy with your life and being single you wouldn’t let couples bother you enough you have to take time out of your life to share it. I think it would be fine if we could just be happy being single, in a relationship, married or whatever it may be and not be creating senseless drama. Like I said, I don’t care or have anything against couples who want to celebrate Valentine’s day, if that is your thing then you have my support and all the kudos to you.

The hype of it just like any other stupid holiday us humans have is way over the top and it is getting worse imo. Like now we can buy Valentine Day cards for our family members, your friends, stranger you just met on the street etc, your 10th cousin (that is an exaggeration but it is kinda that ridiculous/) Like can we stop making cards for everyone. It is like we are becoming special snowflakes. Valentine’s Day is for lovers, Father’s Day is for dads and Mother’s Day is for moms. You don’t need to buy something for everyone and their brother. Like please just stop this non sense in general. It is bad enough we have days for everyone as if we need a day to celebrate what someone means to us when it should be celebrated everyday or just because you love them and appreciate them.

I am married to the love of my life and my best friend, so my reasons for being on the Valentine’s Day hate train is not about any of that or not having someone to celebrate it with. At least not anymore. I just have a few reasons why I never felt the need to celebrate it and if it goes by without us celebrating it won’t change a thing. My life is no better or worse with or without this day. However, I do think we should bring awareness and petition it to be a holiday, I really do. One thing that I do love about Valentine’s day and I will end this post on a positive note is all the expensive brands and good chocolate goes on sale after Valentine’s day to get rid of stock etc. As do other things like stuffed animals. I love my chocolate and things like that. So woot! Maybe I will cheat my diet and spoil myself a bit with chocolate after lovers day.

My advice to everyone is rather you are single, in a new relationship,in a serious relationship, married or whatever your status may be just enjoy the day. Rather you celebrate it or not. If you do not celebrate it, just enjoy it like any other day because it is really just a day! Even the creation of the day itself is ridiculous tbh. I still believe it was invented for Hallmark and businesses to make money off your love. So stop hating on loved ones and don’t be so spiteful because your partner may forgot the day.

Now for a cheesy and cliché love song as Valentine’s day is, but equally means a lot to me and I absolutely adore. It is one of my all time favorite love songs that I didn’t let radio and media ruin for me by over playing it.

Or if you are looking for love song ideas for Valentine’s day, in general or are interested I made three love song playlists. I will share them again and I know they are long ass playlists, but what can I say I love music! I did break them or tried to break them into three categories: My personal favorite or meaningful love songs to me, pop and alternative love songs.

My Personal Love Song Playlist:

Alternative Love Song Playlist

Pop Love Song Playlist:

If you are still reading this post, I’d like to give another huge shout out for all my followers and new ones because I am really taken back by how fast this blog has grown and the positive support it has received. I just opened this blog recently and my support is growing a lot faster than I thought it would. It took me like a year almost on my last blog to reach 100 followers, yet I have almost already reached that milestone here and I just opened this blog a few weeks ago. Yes a lot of that is support from my followers from my older blog, but I have had a lot of new faces join me here as well. So another huge thank you for those who followed me on my journey thus far and a huge warm welcome to new followers. It means a lot and is really inspiring to keep blogging.

I am off to listen to music and sim out. I also need to find a movie on netflix for the hubby and I to watch tonight. If anyone has any suggestions I am open to ideas! 😃